Complete and utter frustration

I have hit some kind of wall, beyond which lies my goal.  I can't seem to go over or around it, no matter how kindly or urgently I ask my body to do so.  I am quite frustrated - sad, even - and it doesn't even make sense.  I'm not sure what to do.  I've invested a lot of time, energy, and pride into this, and I do not want to quit.  I will not quit.  I just don't know how to get over this wall.

Week Five on a technicality

My mom let me know that my blog was getting rusty from being left out in the rain, and she was right.  It's been an incredibly busy two weeks, and while I've been huffing and puffing as usual, my fingers have not been up to the typing task.  It's Saturday, though, and I've got a whole day ahead of me!

Last week I did something I was not planning on doing - I took a week off.  I started week 5 off with a bang.  I had an excellent day 1 and was getting nervous about day 2's multiple 8 minute runs when I got completely thrown off.  I was in my usual half-awake-half-asleep state, acting out my dream, in which I was required to reset my alarm.  This, in turn, caused me to miss my morning run, so I decided to go after work.  As the day went on, though, my body took over and decided that running was not going to happen.  I won't go into detail, but once a month, for a day or so, I am barely able to walk around without doubling over in pain, let alone go for a jog. I felt miserable, so I decided to skip the Dowd and head home for some meds, thinking I would just go in the morning before heading out of town to see a friend in Atlanta.  I thought I could run on Friday and then on Sunday to finish out the week, but as you can guess, this definitely didn't happen.  On Friday morning I realized I had to get my rear in gear if I was going to beat the ice/snow on I-85, so I just threw my stuff together and ran out the door.

All that's to say that even though it's week six since I began my Couch to 5k program, I am just about to finish week five of the actual work.  When I got back in town to a very icy Charlotte, I just restarted my week with Day 1, and it was actually a really good thing.  Taking the week off gave me new energy and excitement for the upcoming difficult runs!!

Day 1 was 5 minute runs with 3 minute recovery periods, and I did it like a champ.  Mind you, I'm STILL on the treadmill (thanks, El Nino!), which I don't think is as hard as running on the real ground, but I still rocked those 5 minute runs like it was nothing.  Well, nothing if nothing means a sweat output similar to that of Niagara Falls and a heart rate akin to a hummingbird...

Day 2 broke new ground, with 2 8 minute runs with a 5 minute recovery in between.  This is getting to the serious stuff - almost like real running!  I had to go in the big, jam-packed cardio theater with approximately 5,000 treadmills, ellipticals, and stair-steppers all shoved into a room that smells like gym class.  Once I discovered the extra fancy treadmills in a different room that face a wall (and, as we learned earlier, lead to unintended bum-watching), I never wanted to go back to StinkTownUSA, or as it's known in other circles, ShowOffLand.  It's hard to think that with that many people working out in one little space, there aren't people who are showing off their stuff, right?  I didn't want to do my walking-and-running combos in there, because if you didn't know I was doing a specific program, you'd just think I was playing with the treadmill.  Speed up, slow down.  Listen to ipod but watch Saved by the Bell.  I know this is my own personal problem (Pride!!  cometh before a fall!!), but in general, this room is to be avoided.

For the first time, though, with my longer runs, I felt like I was not just the girl who walks for 30 minutes or the girl who gets completely winded after running for 90 seconds.  I felt like a real runner!  Instead of looking longingly at the former Duke women's basketball player (also known as boob girl, if you've heard me tell stories about her in the locker room - but that's a different story for a different day) who runs at 9 miles an hour and barely breaks a sweat, I was just jogging along like la-ti-da, hello, just running here, yup, I'm a runner, see?  I'm running!

So if you can't tell, week 5 part deux is going GREAT!  I say that now, though, but my biggest challenge yet comes tomorrow...20 minutes of running.  Now, I feel a little ridiculous even saying that, because running for 20 minutes just doesn't sound like that big of a deal.  Lots and lots and lots of people run for 20 minutes, 30 minutes, an hour ALL THE TIME.  Heck, I know people who would consider that their warm-up.  For me, though, this is SO GREAT!!  2 months ago, I said, "I can't run because of my back."  8 weeks ago I said, "I wish I could run...hmm, maybe I can."  6 weeks ago I said, "I am going to run a 5k race."  Tomorrow I will run 2 miles! in just over 3 weeks I will run 3.1 miles!  On March 13th, I will run a 5k race in Columbia!  YESSSS!!!!  I just had to believe in myself, just like the end of all movies (thanks Liz Lemon)!

Let's GO!

Week Four and a Running Expo

A few years ago, I was in the DC area for work and went to visit some friends who had moved to Annapolis.  We met in Baltimore, at the Ravens' stadium, where Mindy wanted to attend a running expo before we went to dinner.  I remember thinking, quite clearly, "what in the WORLD do they need an entire EXPO for?? It's running!  You just run!"

5 years later, here I am, attending a running expo of my own.  This one was much smaller, and much less vendor-focused.  This really was my very own expo, as the keynote speakers were Furman professors, the event planner was a Furman alum, and the trainer that very recently kicked my butt was there to talk about the Y's running programs.

When I walked into the room, though, my heart fell into my stomach.  There, in the front of the room, was not only Dr. Pierce, whom I was expecting (his name was on every flier), but Scott Murr, my former boss at the gym at Furman and Health & Exercise Science professor.  Scott was not just any HES professor - he was the HES professor in whose class I was enrolled in Spring of 2002, or The Semester of the Broken Back.  In order to get a good grade in that class, I had to work out every day.  If you did not work out, you did not get credit. This was before anyone knew that my spine was actually fractured.  All I knew that was that I was in a tremendous amount of pain, and my professor didn't seem to care.  He insisted that I work out, and not being terribly brave at the time, I listened and continued to do damage to the area surrounding the break.

I'm not mad at Scott - it was, of course, my choice to continue exercising.  It was just such a shock to my system to see him, a person who is so wrapped up in the narrative I've told myself countless times, standing in the place I'm using as the setting for my new story.

I knew he wouldn't recognize me, and after a few minutes of discomfort upon hearing his (grating) voice again, I was able to relax and take it all in.  Even though their presentation was geared toward long distance endurance runners (half marathon+), I learned a lot about cross-training, quality runs, and running economy.

I had a great time at the rest of the expo (which was more like a workshop than an expo), and in true Sarah Brown style, made all sorts of connections and might even be starting a running group for slow folks like me.  I learned some pretty awesome stuff from a sports nutritionist, such as the fact that if you are not properly hydrated during a run (or any other exercise), your body cannot use fat stores as energy.  !!!

Tomorrow is Week 4, Day 3, meaning I've officially passed the halfway point in my Couch to 5k training.  Day 1 was really, really hard, and I genuinely thought I wasn't going to make it.  Day 2 was hard, but I pushed through and it went pretty well.  Is this starting to sound familiar?  Each week, I think I won't be able to make the adjustment to the longer runs, and by the end of the week, I'm totally pumped that I did it but am intimidated by the following week's runs.  Ah, if only I would just believe in myself!

Seriously, though, the training is really picking up. The jumps in interval length are significant, and I'm really having to push it.  Tomorrow is day 3, and I am either going to the cross-country course on Monroe Rd. or the track at Myers Park High School - haven't decided yet.  The course is a dirt/gravel path with clearly marked distances, which I think would be less mundane than a track, but a track is just so nice and measurable.

I'm in the market for a running buddy, so if you know someone who is willing to put up with my complete inability to talk while running and embarrassing sweat situation, I'd be delighted to have someone join me.

Week Three COMPLETE!

They say it takes 21 days to form a habit.  I hope that's true, because I just finished Week 3, Day 3 of my training!

After not getting enough rest on Friday and not exactly making the best dining choices (but Cantina is always worth it), Saturday's run was a wash, so I aimed for a successful Sunday.  Apparently I didn't get enough rest on Saturday, either, and the pimiento cheese sandwich, fried pickles, and a pint at the Penguin surely didn't help. Today was the hardest run yet.

Thanks to this nice warm front, I was finally able to take my training out of doors. I've been looking forward to this for a while, but have also held great trepidation as to how I'd actually fare when the running became actual running.  If you remember, the last time I ran off-treadmill was a complete disaster thanks to the tiny sloped track at the Y.  Those were only 60 second running intervals, and my latest intervals, while only a terribly unimpressive 3 minutes each, are significantly more challenging.

I won't bore you with the minute-by-minute, but that's exactly how this run felt.  Minute by minute, second by second, willing myself to keep going.  I really want to blame it on the unhealthy weekend, because I don't want my running experience to be like this.  I want to feel challenged, of course, but I don't want to struggle.  I  enjoyed being outside - the fresh air and change of perspective was refreshing - but without the distraction of the TV and the other people doing stuff around the gym, it was just me and the road.

The reason I probably struggle with this is probably the reason I struggle with insomnia: I cannot turn my brain off.  If I could somehow just run and be completely physical for that half hour, I think I could be a good runner.  For now, though, it's millions of microthoughts, all working against me.  I bet I could talk to some runners, though, and see how they deal with clearing their heads.  I want the exercise to be brain-clearing, not brain-clogging.

Three weeks down, six to go.  Week four is going to be tough, but I know I can do it.  Let's go!

Fierce

My legs are like JELLY.  I can hardly move.  My trainer kicked my butt despite my polite request for my butt to be kickproof.  Lunges, reverse lunges, all sorts of step-ups and other leg-shaking-inducing exercises later, my lower half is in dire straits.  Do you want to know what I did at 7:00 this morning?  WEEK 3, DAY 2, that's what!  Heck yes!  I did it.  I could've "waited until the soreness eased up," but I didn't.  I DID IT.

Here is me this morning, psyching myself out to go out into the 20 degrees (ok, so it was only 20 degrees until I got to the gym) and push through my training:

Fierce.  Yes.  In September I was a bumbling mess, in October I had mono, in November I joined the Y, in December I decided to run a 5k, and in January, I said, NO EXCUSES.  The girl in this photo is not a natural. The girl in this photo is a hard worker. So here's to taking it one day at a time and recognizing my own reflection for the first time in a long time.

Waiting in line for a treadmill is not nearly as fun as it sounds...

Would you like to know what the Dowd YMCA is like on a Monday in January at 5:30 p.m.?  Here, have a look:

I've posted before about why I work out in the morning instead of the evenings, but I had a pretty major snafu this morning involving Roy and the alarm, causing me to rush out the door rather than head to the gym.

Needless to say, it was after work that I hit the Dowd.  I've had to wait for a treadmill before, but never more than a minute or two.  Today, however, was different.  I didn't realize just how awkward this can be until I was committed to the wait.  See, that's the thing.  The cardio machines are spread ALL OVER the Y, so it's not like there's one organized queue for the machines.  No, there are as many as 5 distinct areas for treadmills alone (that I can think of right off).  As I found today, you really have to commit to a waiting spot, or the process can take, well, forever.

Let's say you head into the first cardio theater and are dismayed by the crowd (and smell, to be honest - this one room has a particularly intense odor), so you head to area #2.  When you get to area #2, which is inevitably full, you have to make a choice.  Do I stay here and wait with this one other person who is waiting, or do I go back to the stinky line? Or do I move on upstairs and give up this possibly short line?  I mean, I have no idea how long the wait will be upstairs...could it be shorter?  Yeah, it's probably shorter.  I'll just pop up there and see...Dang.  Everything's full up here, too.  I can't tell if there's a line, though, and honestly, these machines don't even have TVs and are therefore clearly inferior, so I'll just go back downstairs and wait in line #2.  I bound down the stairs, thinking maybe there's not even a line anymore, and BAM, original line of just one girl is now three.  DANG IT!  DANG IT ALL!  I start to head back upstairs, or down to the women's area, or over to the other side of this room, when I realize that it's all futile.  I'm just going to have to wait.

I decided to make the best of my waiting and recruit the next lady in line to teach an apprenticeship, which she actually agreed to do.  I mean, I have no idea if she'll actually call or sign up online (I didn't have my phone or a pen or anything), but if it works out, I guess all of this awkwardness was worth it.  Thing 1 and Thing 2 got on their treadmills pretty quickly, but then there was me, just waiting.  Being first in line is the worst.  Everyone who comes up asks you if you are waiting, and you have to sort of apologetically admit that you are, which means that their wait is just that much longer.  The only thing you can do is commiserate and comment on the one girl who's been on the treadmill for 45 minutes, when everyone knows the limit is 30 during peak times.

The worst part is that the treadmills, in this case, are facing toward the wall, and you have to wait behind the people. This means that you cannot help looking at each person's bum.  I mean, there they are, all in a row.  Bum bum bum bum bum, all lined up and running and doing bummy things.  You don't want to look, because, well, then you'd be looking at a bunch of bums, but they are just THERE!  A good ten minutes of pretending I wasn't watching old man bum and weird lady bum and super running girl bum later, I finally got a treadmill.

It was exactly at this moment that I realized that my bum was now part of the show.

It was also at this moment that I realized that I'd worn the illest-fitting pants and top combo possible.  I spent the next 30 minutes doing my intervals (more on these in a sec) and constantly adjusting my clothes.  I'm sure if I hadn't just spent the last 15 minutes starting at other people's body parts I would've just ignored the top creeping up and the bottoms creeping down, but I became obsessed.  So this, then was how I spent Week 3, Day 1.

The run itself was decent.  The new 3 minute running intervals were certainly a challenge, especially the last one, but I can't help but wonder if it was because I did nothing but make sure my undies or love handles weren't putting on a show for the new queue.  I ran without my back brace again, which was a little unstable, but overall I'm doing quite well.  More random discomfort in the foot department, but I really think this will be more manageable when I'm on real terrain.  It looks like it's warming up all week, so hopefully by the weekend I'll be doing the real thing!

I learn a new lesson every day that I train, and today's was to double check the alarm.  If you run in the morning, it's done, and your day will doubtless be better for it.  If you try to cram it in in the evening, and you're unfortunate enough to work out at the coolest gym in town, it's waiting and then bum!

What should I wear when I'm running outside?

Running World has answered the question:

What Should I Wear?

You just enter your weather conditions, and they give you nice suggestions on what to wear.  For those of us who occasionally like to be told what to do, this is a nice little tool.