The Starting Line

If you have known me for more than a day, you have heard me say at least once, “I can’t run because of my back.”  I have said this so many times that it just rolls off of the tongue, like, “Hi, I’m Sarah” or “The Wire is the best television series ever created.”  I have spent the better part of 8 years convincing others and myself that if I run, my back will promptly fold in half one way, then back the other way, creating a nice perforation that will simply break in half if you blow on it.

This is, of course, partially based in fact, as I fractured my spine in the Spring of 2002.  It was a horrific experience that I wouldn’t wish on anyone, not even my Calculus professor freshman year who chuckled when he told me I failed my final exam.  It was a parse fracture on L5/S1, and it took many more doctors than the AMA would like to admit to discover the fracture.  I was in a lot of pain, physically and emotionally, and it was almost an entire year before the CT showed the ugly white line on my vertebrae, fused permanently incorrectly.  It was this injury and the ensuing struggle that followed that first introduced me to what would be my more permanent challenge: insomnia, anxiety, and ultimately, depression.

This is not a blog about my mental and emotional health, but I do need to post a disclaimer that running - me, Sarah Brown, running - is the most overt manifestation of conquering depression that I can even fathom.  In the past 2 months I have experienced a reawakening that is nothing short of miraculous, and the only thing I can think of to do is to just run around celebrating.

So that brings us to the present.  I have worked out on and off for the entirety of this struggle, but I knew something was different when I decided I wanted to RUN.  Instead of saying, “I can’t run because of my back,” I said, “I am going to run a 5k.”  I experience pain every time I work out, so why not do what I want to do?  Why die of boredom walking on a treadmill when I could be outside, actually going somewhere?  I love my Hip-Hop and African dance classes, but how do you set a real goal with dance?  I mean, I guess I could serve some people, but everyone knows that never ends well.

Now is where I must credit two of my friends, Allie and Craig.  Allie because she is the most encouraging friend I’ve ever had.  For a very long time, she has encouraged me to just get moving!  Just get out there!  I had been exercising, sure, but she kept encouraging me to set a goal.  As for Craig, one conversation turned me from someone who looked longingly at people running by to a girl at the running store trying on shoes and inquiring re: 5ks in February.  These are two people with “you can do it if you work hard and don’t give up” attitudes, and I am happy to poach their motivation for my own use!  Allie’s my motivational speaker and Craig’s my technical coach (though I’m not sure if either of them realize they’ve signed up for this).

This is it. I am going to run 2 5ks - one in February and one in March.  Valentine’s Day because I love my life and St. Patrick’s Day because I am so incredibly lucky (read: blessed) in so many ways. I am changing my line from “I can’t run because of my back” to “I am a runner.”   Let’s go.